Back in Montreal

After a great week in London, a delayed flight home, and an evening of struggling to stay awake so as to get back on mtl time, I am home and enjoying my late morning coffee. With a full EA workload this month, the never-ending editing of my secondary comprehensive exam (formally known as my indexicality paper, now on “impression and trace” … ) and encyclopedic entries to write for an upcoming publication, I think September will simply fly by.

On the plane home, I was reading the September issue of Edge magazine, and saw a great list of games that I really want to be playing. Hopefully after this month, I will be able to get into a play headspace (with an eye towards my dissertation of course). After hearing the panel on avatars this week, and a few comments on identity and avatars, I am riled up to write again(always a good thing).

DiGRA Side Notes

I haven’t been able to blog yesterday and this morning, I was preparing my presentation and it sort of consumed all of me. We (Shanly Dixon and I) got to speak in a “Canadian Consortium” panel, with Alison Harvey and Nick Taylor. Our panel really flowed well – actually, the Women in Games sessions all had a really nice flow into one another.  We got a few questions at the end of our presentation – always a sign that you did something right (if even just pushing some buttons…).

On the social side of things (a big part of any conference), the weather has been great which has allowed for a lot of walking about. We spent the first day figuring out where things were in and around campus. Since we arrived on a Sunday, not much was open, so we took a walk to the closest town (village?) – Uxbridge. On Monday, we took the tube into London proper (45 minutes!) and spent the day seeing the sights (Buckingham Palace, Picadilly Circus and of course, a fish and chips early dinner at a local pub). Monday night was pre-conference pub night at a great little local place called Load of Hay quite close to the campus (small picture here). A good 30 people gathered on their outside terrace – which was absolutely beautiful as the tables and seats were carved out of an old forest tree stumps that were cut down some 80 years ago. We took some pictures, so I will post them when I get home and upload my pictures. We had ordered the game pie – well worth the wait and the kazillion calories in the mash and gravy!

Yesterday was the first formal day of the conference, we attended the panel on horror and videogames, where we saw some great presentations on the uncanny and on the heuristic cycle of gameplay (which encompassed issues of gameplay time, and game ‘completion’ based on external goals). Afternoon was spent writing and powerpointing. Early evening  began with the conference wine and cheese – which was really more Flemish beer (there was wine though) and candies/chips. Interesting conference fare indeed. Before heading back to our dorm rooms, it was back to the Load of Hay for a bite to eat, and nice pint of Guiness. Mind you, perhaps having the mash and sausage drowned in beans and gravy was not necessarily the best pre-presentation meal to have!

We are heading into the Women in Games Keynote, and then off to their wine and cheese. Perhaps afterwards, if I am not too full, we will venture back into town for a drink and yet another search for good food.

Hot Summer Days: Update #729

The first thing that pops into my head is a cheesy ’80’s song New Girl Now …click and laugh if you must, but do not judge – it was 1984 afterall!

The last few days have been scorching hot (30 c + / 80 f + ); and there is at least another week of it to come. I know at the beginning of the summer I had complained that we had barely seen the sun and that  an onslaught of rainy days ruined my holiday. Technically, I should be grateful for such balmy summer weather in the heart of August. The only trouble is – my vacation finished almost 2 weeks ago. I think mother nature got my order backwards this year – who do I complain to? So instead of sipping fruity drinks on a deck by a pool, I am inside (and sometimes outside on my balcony) trying to chip away at my to-do list and pretend I can’t see / feel the hot weather.

I have been getting some work done. Mainly stuff for my play test moderating gig, but also getting a chunk done on our presentation for DiGRA. We are looking at girls and videogames, something I have always shied away from. But at this point, it seems like not only the logical thing to look at, but the right thing (I have two girls, 13 & 17…). While they love to play videogames, and have access to half an EB Games store between my partner and I alone, what they choose to play, and purchase themselves has been provocative. Coupled with what marketing and industry claims girls like / want to play – it is easy to see a few gaps.  While there is alot of work out there on girls videogame preferences and the imbalance between market availability etc, I think what we have been working on brings something to the discussion worth adding. I must say though, digging through the sea of literature on girls and videogames has been eye opening on alot of levels.

I am also working on bits and pieces for an upcoming encyclopedia of video games (will post link when available). I always find encyclopedic / history entries interesting things to write. They take so much time to collect information, check and triple check references and timelines and in the end, after what feels like forever, you write 500 – 1000 words, trying to give the most straightforward and concise information possible without (much) bias or opinion. Of course, as I wrote somewhere on here before, history is indeed socially constructed; the choices an author has to make about what gets in their text and what is omitted is significant. I could ramble on about this, but then, I would never actually get any work done.

The Real Meaning of My “Vacations”

When I tell people that I went on vacation – usually for some exorbiant amount of time (5 weeks this summer – 10 weeks last summer!!) people always look at me enviously and utter how lucky I am. The thing is, while I am technically on vacation, away from home – usually out east, near the coast (with beach and bonfire access), I still have a to-do list the lenght of my arm.

Thank you to Bug-Eyed Bistro for posting this great PhD comic reminding us what an academic “vacation” really means.

Back in the City

Another holiday has come and went, much too fast for my liking. August is a huge month – I will try to actually blog some content of the research that I am doing for a few projects (conference, thesis, etc…) instead of two liner personal updates. Unfortunately, for today, that’s all there is

Summer Update

My month in eastern Canada has been steadily improving. What began as some sort of bad Canadian knock-off of monsoon season, is turning out to be a moderate comparison to the fun in the sun summers I remember – at least the sun is making an appearance, and the summer clothes I packed are finally being used. I have just under 2 weeks of holiday left, heading back to the city the first weekend in August. I only hope mother nature does not decide to give me the sweltering temperatures I have been whining for all month.

On the work front, I finally submitted a (relative) final draft of my indexicality paper (while perhaps contestable, I love this write up on indexicality)  for my secondary comprehensive exam that I have been droning on about for the last few months. I am surprised at its final form, so far away from the original paper, but much better for it I believe. The 10 second spiel is basically the cyclical (and changing) nature of indexicality in film and videogames and the role Martin Lefebvre’s ‘imaginary museum’ plays in the process of understanding both context and meaning in relationship to physical materiality of the depicted images. It is not as developed as I would have liked it to be, but the restrictions of the secondary exam (~ 3,750  wrds) limited my argument to an foundational level. Regardless, I am actually quite pleased with it, and think that with some more work, it could be developed into a worthy journal article.

With that submitted, I am onto the rest of my to-do list. Several reviews for an upcoming conference, and then full steam ahead on our piece for the Women in Games stream at DiGRA. With my co-author relatively secluded on a sandy island for most of the month of August, the writing process will certainly be interesting.

Finally, while I have not been very active on the intellectual blogging front, there have been many great game studies posts over at the TAG Blog.

It’s (almost) Summertime

(Finally) got news back from DiGRA – it’s a ‘yay’ .. now for the budgeting… I am excited to go to London again, but oouf the $$!  Oh well, if I have to pay for one conference this year, it would be DiGRA =)

Things have been chugging along- working alot at EA – was in a small rut there for a bit, but am finally starting to balance my work there and my academic life and family. This week is the last big push before I can head into summer work mode (which really just means doing the same amount of reading, writing and editing but on a beach or poolside in the country – thank you extended family). My to-do list is massive, but I think it’s a manageable massiveness. Fingers crossed that I am not fooling myself.

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The Day After

I have posts from pre-CGSA (friday night fun in Ottawa) and Day 1 to wrap up and post, but I have to say, the day after any conference, there is always a feeling of both relief and exhaustion. A mix of feeling a bit lighter (something you have been working on and stressing about over the last while is over and done, and if we are lucky, done well heh), and a returning feeling of stress – having to get back to the other things on my to-do list that have been pushed aside in the final week leading up to the conference.

So today, although I have a mere two weeks to rework my secondary comps paper (not as bad as it sounds) and make the minor but necessary edits to my proposal (both due June 6th), I will try to rest up and recuperate. Bring the laptop to bed, dilly dally with a few books, jot down a few notes if I am so inspired and maybe even do a crossword or two. Tomorrow, life begins again – but until then… =)

Conference Time

I am heading off today (well, tomorrow since I have not been to bed yet) to Ottawa, ON (Canada) to present work on new material with a colleague (and great co-author) Shanly Dixon at the Canadian Game Studies Association annual meeting. We get the hot spot for presenting – the session just before the wine and cheese =) Usually a well attended time slot given the social nature of a good conference.

While we have been working on this presentation for the last two months, and have done alot of reading, note taking and ethnography, I am still extremely anxious to actually stand up and talk. From the ridiculous “what the heck should I wear” to the paranoia infused “what if they think I’m an idiot!”, the stress of any pre-conference usually manifests itself in some of the strangest ways (from hives to verbal repitition).

So, it’s off I go to continue to tweak our presentation – torturing my wonderful co-author with last minute questions and doubtful rebuttals. But I must say, of all the jobs I have had, regardless of my persistant fear of public speaking (which I am told I hide quite well), I would still not want to do anything else!

Striking the (im)Perfect Balance

I have always said that I work much better when I am busy. Give me all the time in the world to focus on only one thing, and I garantee you that I will end up failing miserably. Load my plate to the point of barely being able to think, and I hum along at a wondrous pace.  At least that is how it has been since I went back to university in 2002. At the time, I had a part time (24 hours a week) desk job in an office, took a full course load (5 classes) and managed to keep my 2 kids relatively clean and happy. After a year of that, I dropped the office job and kept the full course load and kids (some things you just can’t change /wink). After I finished my BA and moved into my MA, I started doing research assistanships with my advisor at the time. It was a great balance to work, school and family. Since “work” (the RAship) and “school” were tightly related, it really just felt like more schoolwork. Kids … still clean(ish) and relatively happy.

In my first year of my PhD, I didn’t do anything except take classes, read and maintain family life (some would say that is enough). With my oldest daughter fast approaching graduation (this June!), and my youngest firmly planted in Jr. High family maintenance a lot less demanding than when I first started university in 2002. So, I thought, perhaps it was time – finishing up my 2nd year of the PhD to start “working” again. This time, I ventured outside of the academy, but related in field – I took a job at EA here in Montreal, working with their play-test/focus group team. In many respects – and especially on paper – this job is a match made in heaven. I get to do qualitative research, coupled with learning how to understand the technical demands of making video games, the offices are fantabulous, and so are those I get to work with. Since my research – and more than likely my ‘life’s work’ surrounds video games, it is technically the best “job” in the world outside of the academy for me.

However, lately I have been struggling with finding that balance between school, work, and family again. When working as an RA – it was a challenge, but it was so closely related to my research, that the work flowed into each other. With this job, while the topic and method is similar, there is a jarring disjunction between the work I have to be doing for my thesis proposal and research, and the weekly play sessions and report writing. I am trying – struggling – to find that balance. I accept that it may not be a harmonious balance – all I am looking for is the ability to manage my time and work in a way that doesn’t diminish the quality of any of the three things that are most prominent in my life. Is it at all possible? I don’t know. But I guess no one has ever died trying. (and is someone has, please don’t tell me about it!)